Love the rhythm of "rolled by hand in the planet’s birth." Much of the rhythm reminds me of Frost--I don't read enough Crashaw to know whether there are other echoes besides the form, but the way the rhythm shifts here and seems to suit the muscular labor reminds me a bit of After Apple Picking and of course The Mending Wall.
Great comment. Also "hand" here mirroring our hands working, adding to the sense of labor and physicality. I'm learning more things about my own poem ❤️
I love this. I love taking simple things (like digging for a fence) and bringing in deep thought and reflection! Such a great poem and I loved the rhythm of it! 😃
Thank you! Poetry is for everyday things, like rocks and fences. I'm glad to have produced something you enjoyed! I enjoyed the rhythm as well; I may use this stanza structure again sometime. Thanks for reading!
Great! I immediately picked up on the reverse common measure, and I found the structure (funny building pun) compelling! The extra couplet gives the pattern a resemblance to the Japanese tanka, with 5-7-5-7-7 syllables though with only 5 lines.
I also really love the mix of “in the moment” narration and meditation. It’s a very real and intimate experience between father and son. I’ve had moments like this with my own dad.
Love the rhythm of "rolled by hand in the planet’s birth." Much of the rhythm reminds me of Frost--I don't read enough Crashaw to know whether there are other echoes besides the form, but the way the rhythm shifts here and seems to suit the muscular labor reminds me a bit of After Apple Picking and of course The Mending Wall.
Great comment. Also "hand" here mirroring our hands working, adding to the sense of labor and physicality. I'm learning more things about my own poem ❤️
I love this. I love taking simple things (like digging for a fence) and bringing in deep thought and reflection! Such a great poem and I loved the rhythm of it! 😃
Thank you! Poetry is for everyday things, like rocks and fences. I'm glad to have produced something you enjoyed! I enjoyed the rhythm as well; I may use this stanza structure again sometime. Thanks for reading!
You're so welcome! I am looking forward to following you! I love poetry and you are so talented! :D
This measure is great, will definitely be writing some new ones this way!
Great! I immediately picked up on the reverse common measure, and I found the structure (funny building pun) compelling! The extra couplet gives the pattern a resemblance to the Japanese tanka, with 5-7-5-7-7 syllables though with only 5 lines.
I also really love the mix of “in the moment” narration and meditation. It’s a very real and intimate experience between father and son. I’ve had moments like this with my own dad.
All in all, a great poem!
Thank you so much! It was a joy to write.