Thank you! I enjoyed doing the extended rhyme in the third stanza; it makes a nice extended resolution effect, where the final rhyme feels better. It felt right for the third stanza, to break the monotony of the stanza structure so you (hopefully) don't get bored. I got the idea from Tennyson's "Lady of Shalott", where each stanza has these repeated rhymes that are resolved with the refrains.
And thanks about the last line. I was trying to figure out how to end it and it popped into my head.
Probably because of the rhythm of the second line.
I also think I initially misread your last line, thinking the world was awake and at rest, but the comma suggests you're the one awake and at rest.
And the extra-line extra-rhyme part is growing on me even more now. What a cool technique. The rush of the rhyming rhythm makes the extra line just fly right by, a pause the reader is hardly conscious of making. I've got to use that at some point.
You were right in your first reading 😄 the world is awake and at rest. That's how it feels to me when walking through a fresh, forest snowfall: the world is alive, yet quiet and resting.
And yes, the pattern of build and release that you feel when reading, say, a ballad stanza or an extended rhyme, is quite enjoyable. I'm trying to use it more!
Abram,
this is exquisite! I know no better term. I will return to it again and again, it is this good. Thank you for the experience of reading it.
I'm so glad you enjoyed and honored that it would be a repeat read. Thanks for the comment!
Hello Abram, you are most welcome. Reading you was a pleasure. And yes, I do plan to reread your work. You are a fine writer.
Highlights for me: the quadruple rhyme in the penultimate stanza and the final line.
Thank you! I enjoyed doing the extended rhyme in the third stanza; it makes a nice extended resolution effect, where the final rhyme feels better. It felt right for the third stanza, to break the monotony of the stanza structure so you (hopefully) don't get bored. I got the idea from Tennyson's "Lady of Shalott", where each stanza has these repeated rhymes that are resolved with the refrains.
And thanks about the last line. I was trying to figure out how to end it and it popped into my head.
The last stanza reminds me of
Remember, remember, the 5th of November,
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.
Probably because of the rhythm of the second line.
I also think I initially misread your last line, thinking the world was awake and at rest, but the comma suggests you're the one awake and at rest.
And the extra-line extra-rhyme part is growing on me even more now. What a cool technique. The rush of the rhyming rhythm makes the extra line just fly right by, a pause the reader is hardly conscious of making. I've got to use that at some point.
You were right in your first reading 😄 the world is awake and at rest. That's how it feels to me when walking through a fresh, forest snowfall: the world is alive, yet quiet and resting.
And yes, the pattern of build and release that you feel when reading, say, a ballad stanza or an extended rhyme, is quite enjoyable. I'm trying to use it more!